


Book Club for Two

by i_paint_the_sky



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Drastic Measures compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-12 13:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_paint_the_sky/pseuds/i_paint_the_sky
Summary: Over the years, Katrina and Gabriel face many ups and downs. They also read a lot of books.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a prompt from caressyouintodarkness on Tumblr:
> 
>  
> 
> _Prime Lorca/Katrina Cornwell: during the Academy days, when Katrina got anxious, Gabe would read to her. When we find him during season 2 and they have trouble reconnecting because they are both traumatised, this is what helps them reconnect._
> 
>  
> 
> It ended up becoming a much longer work than initially intended. I do have the whole thing written, though I need to do some final edits before the other chapters can be posted.

**Starfleet Academy - 2226**

“You’re pacing. Again.”

“I’m aware of that, Gabriel.”

“Just making sure.”

Katrina knew she was stressing him out, but she really didn’t give a damn. Tomorrow, she would take the test that determined her future in Starfleet Medical - or lack thereof. Whatever anxiety he was feeling, she experienced tenfold.

“You’re going to do fine, you know,” he said after she’d circled the common room a half dozen times. They were the only ones here tonight, the other cadets on their dormitory floor having retreated at the sight of the two of them buckling down for an all-night study session. 

Except she wasn’t studying. When she tried to read her notes, words that she knew and concepts she’d memorized years ago suddenly turned into nonsense. What if the same thing happened tomorrow? What if she froze and couldn’t think of a single answer?

What if she failed?

“Kat.”

She looked over and was surprised to see Gabriel standing right beside her. “What?”

He reached over and rested his hands on her shoulders, his blue eyes as serious and focused as she’d ever seen them. “You’re going to do fine. You’re the smartest person I have ever known. Well,” he added with a quick, self-satisfied grin, “second smartest.”

She laughed, finally relaxing a bit. “It’s just so …”

“I know,” he said softly, before pulling her into an embrace. She lingered there, enjoying the feel of his arms around her, his shoulder against her cheek. Her heart was still racing, her veins filled with too much cortisol, but at least it was better than before.

After a few moments, she straightened back up. “Alright, back to work.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think so.” He turned around and began collecting all the semester’s worth of PADDs she’d been trying to review. “You know all this already, so there’s no point in looking at it anymore. Come, sit with me. I can think of much better uses of your time.”

Both of her eyebrows went up at that, wondering if he meant what she thought he meant. She didn’t like to put a label on things - she did enough of that in psychology class without bringing in her personal life - but they two of them had fooled around enough that ‘friends with benefits’ was an accurate description. And while the sex was pretty great, the night before an exam was not the time.

But he only laughed. “Come on, Kat, trust me.”

After a moment, she walked over and sat down beside him on the couch. He leaned back and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, while the other held out a PADD of his own.

“What’s that?” she asked, trying to read the screen. He moved it further away, angling it so she couldn’t make out any of the words.

“Just close your eyes, relax … hell, maybe even get some sleep.”

Sleep did sound nice, she had to admit, but so out of reach right now. However, she would give it the old academy try and so she leaned against him, eyes closed, and tried to turn off her brain, at least for a moment or two.

That’s when he began to read.

“The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac, or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.”

They’d known each other for almost two years now, but Gabriel could still surprise her. She definitely had not pegged him for a classic literature type of guy. Though if she had, she might have guessed he’d be a Wilde fan.

“In the centre of the room, clamped to an upright easel, stood the full-length portrait of a young man of extraordinary personal beauty, and in front of it, some little distance away, was sitting the artist himself, Basil Hallward, whose sudden disappearance some years ago caused, at the time, such public excitement and gave rise to so many strange conjectures.”

She curled up more, her body pressed against his, and listened carefully, enjoying the cadence of his voice. With each sentence, she somehow forgot more and more about tomorrow and all the pressure that came with it. She fell asleep before the end of the first chapter.

The next day, she aced the exam.

-

**Chicago - 2230**

Katina’s childhood bedroom looked quite different than when she’d been living here. The walls and bedding were neutral, the chest of drawers empty for when guests stayed over and needed the space. But there were still a few signs of the room’s former occupant. Decorations on the wall, books on the desk, a pillow with an obnoxious print that only a teenager could love at the end of the bed.

She sat down beside the pillow, picking it up and hugging it to her chest. This only caused the stiff fabric of her dress uniform to feel even more uncomfortable against her skin. She hadn’t had many occasions yet to wear it.

There was a knock on the door, and she looked up to see Gabriel standing there and, for the first time all day, she smiled without the gesture feeling like a mask. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He was wearing his own dress uniform, but on him it looked quite dashing. 

“I wasn’t sure you’d make it.”

He walked into the room, standing before her. “I wasn’t sure either. I’m sorry I missed the ceremony.”

She shrugged, holding the pillow closer. “They’re all the same.”

“Kat …” he murmured, sitting down beside her. “You know that’s not true. Your mother was-”

“A brilliant engineer who helped oversee countless advancements in Starfleet technology. A courageous and caring officer. Daring, brave … and dead.” 

“And how do you feel about that?” 

She looked over at him for a moment, before laughing - genuine laughter. “I’m not handling it great at the moment, but it’s not so bad that you need to start psychoanalyzing me.”

“Good,” he said, wrapping an arm around her and squeezing gently. “Because you know I’m terrible at that stuff.”

“You are,” she agreed, leaning her head against his shoulder. She looked up at him, noticing a few changes - a different haircut, a small scar on his chin. She hadn’t seen him in person in almost a year now, not since he’d been assigned to the _Muroc_. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He smiled then leaned over to press his lips against her, just a for a moment. “Me too. I’m really sorry for your loss, Kat.”

“Thanks,” she said softly. “It’s strange, when I was younger, I used to always be so worried this day would come. I still remember her sitting down with me to explain that even though this job was dangerous, it was something she needed to do. But then, after so many years of everything being just fine, it almost seemed like this day would never come. Until it did.”

They sat together for a long time in a completely comfortable silence, though bits and pieces of the conversation from downstairs reached them every now and then. Finally, Gabriel shifted slightly. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

She only needed a moment before a thought popped into her head - a thought and several memories. “Yes, actually. Would you read to me?”

“Of course,” he said immediately. “Chapter two of _Dorian Gray_?”

She shook her head and pointed towards the desk. “One of those.”

He got up and walked to the desk, picking up the books. He looked back at her. “Really?”

“Really. Mom used to read them to me when I was little.” When he still looked dubious, she added, “Think of it as expanding your literary horizons.”

“My horizons are already quite vast but okay.”

She lay down on the bed, and he came to sit by her pillow. One hand slowly stroked her hair, while the other held the book open.

“Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies’ eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place…”

-

**Starbase 12 - 2238**

When Katrina had first proposed the creation of a specialized trauma support group, she hadn’t expected them to be needed so soon. Her team had barely finished orientation when the call had come about an explosion of unknown origin at Starbase 12, and they had been one of the first to be sent in.

When they arrived, the station was still in chaos. Security had determined that the explosion was no accident, but the person or persons responsible had yet to be identified. And they were still pulling people, and bodies, out of the wreckage.

Her team’s primary purpose was to provide counseling after such events but, in this case, she immediately ordered them to take an active role in the recovery. After discussing it with the base’s chief security officer, she determined it would be best for them to split up and accompany the rescue and recovery teams, to provide both physical and psychological medical aid.

“You can go with team seven,” the security chief told her. He turned and called out, “Lieutenant Lorca, I have another member for your team.”

She hadn’t even noticed Gabriel until he turned to face them now. Apparently, he hadn’t spotted her either.

“Lorca,” the chief continued, “this is Lieutenant Commander Cornwell, from Medical. She’ll be assisting you.”

He started slightly, something only someone who knew him well would pick up, and she noticed him quickly glance at her insignia, then look away. “Come with me, Commander,” he said after a moment, before turning and walking off. His team nodded their greeting, but nothing else was said as they headed into the heart of the carnage.

The next hours went by in a blur of physical exertion, mental anguish, and far too many bodies or body parts. Katrina had a feeling that her team would be stationed here for a long time once the cleanup was done. All these people …

She didn’t have much opportunity to speak to Gabriel period, let along catch him in private. But finally another team came to relieve them, and he was told to escort her to the emergency quarters. 

“How long?” he asked, once they were finally alone. She didn’t have to ask what he meant.

“A month,” she admitted. “I was going to tell you, but everything has been very hectic.”

“Right,” he said, looking at her with skepticism and annoyance. “I’m sure you were busy every hour during that month. Far too busy to mention anything as inconsequential as a promotion.” 

He stopped walking and opened a door. On the other side was a large room, probably used for supplies most of the time. Right now, it was filled with hastily rigged up bunk beds. She followed him to the far corner. “I’m on top,” he said with a cold smile. “Bottom’s all yours.”

“Fine, I delayed telling you on purpose.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you,” she snapped, “and I knew this was going to be awkward.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And did not telling me make it any _less_ awkward?”

“No,” she said with a heavy sigh.

“Well, there you have it.” He took off boots and coat, both of which was covered in soot and grime and who knew what else, and quickly climbed into bed. “I suggest you get as much sleep as you can, they’ll be calling us back to duty in six hours.”

She followed suit and was soon lying in bed, staring up into darkness. She wanted to sleep, to try and forget everything that was going on, but every time she closed her eyes, the scenes of the day flashed before her on repeat.

She shifted positions for about the fifth time in the last ten minutes, hoping to somehow get to sleep, when a hand appeared above her, holding out a PADD. She reached out and took it. On the screen, there was a message.

_Think of this as expanding your literary horizons._

_Also, congratulations._

_-G_

She smiled and shifted again, this time into a comfortable reading position, before starting in on _The Canterville Ghost_.

-

**Outpost Tarsus IV - 2246**

“Katrina, I have to tell you something.”

She froze, staring at Gabriel across the table, knowing that no easy conversation every began like that.

“I’ve met someone.”

She nodded, reaching for her glass of wine and taking a long drink. It didn’t help her think any more clearly or make her head feel foggy enough to be an improvement. She’d always known that she wasn’t his only partner, nor was he hers. But she’d never been serious enough about anyone else to feel a need to mention it to Gabriel. And neither had he, until now.

“And you couldn’t tell me this before I came here on shore leave?” she asked, putting the glass down harder than she’d intended. 

Gabriel flinched slightly, at the sound of glass on wood or her tone of voice or maybe both. “I wanted to tell you in person. You mean a lot to me, Kat, you always will.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, so she said nothing. 

“Her name’s Ba-”

“Don’t. I don’t want to know, Gabriel.”

That clearly hurt him, but she was certain he didn’t hurt as much as she did right now. Eventually, they managed to find some small, inconsequential things to talk about for the rest of the meal, though she would have been hard pressed to recall any of it after the fact. Her mind was just caught up on the fact that a part of her life that she’d counted on for so long was ending.

She went back to her guest quarters alone and put away the new lingerie she’d packed for this visit. Afterward, she curled up with the bottle of Scotch that she’d also bought for the occasion and tried to navigate her own feelings.

_Gabriel is ending things, how do you feel about that?_

Mostly disappointed, with a side helping of anger that he’d blindsided her with the information. There were other places in the universe she’d like to see, other people she’d be happy to visit. But none quite meant as much to her as him. And he knew that.

Waiting to tell her in person was as kind as it was cruel.

_Gabriel loves someone else, how do you feel about that?_

Jealous, certainly. Not that she liked to admit it but how could she be anything else? Her relationship with Gabriel had been going on for nearly twenty years now, half of her life.

Gabriel doesn’t love you that way, how do you feel about that?

As that line of questioning crossed her mind, she put the bottle away, curled up in bed, and tried not to cry herself to sleep.

The next morning, she went for a run, heading in the direction of New Anchorage. This wasn’t her usual routine, but the usual stuff was the problem right now. As she ran, she thought about the partners she’s had over the years. Some were quick flings, others more serious, but all of them had been missing something. The spark and challenge that she craved. The thing that Gabriel had in spades.

She wasn’t sure where she had really expected their relationship to go. There had been times when she’d been hesitant to call it a relationship at all, though that was many years ago now. Perhaps she’d just thought that in the end, they’d figure something out. 

So much for the best unlaid plans.

When she reached New Anchorage, she wandered. It didn’t look that different from any other remote outpost, nothing special about it. She couldn’t imagine Gabriel staying here for longer than a two-year posting.

She was about to head back when she spotted him standing not too far away. And he wasn’t alone. She’d been truthful when she said she didn’t want to know about Ba-something the night before but, now that she was right there, Katrina couldn’t help but be curious. And so she got closer, ducking behind a building to avoid being seen. 

Not that either of them seemed to even be aware of the world around them. As she watched, she was struck but just how at ease Gabriel looked. How happy. That hurt too but it was also good, seeing him like that.

They had been lovers for twenty years, but for even longer than that they had been friends.

She backtracked to the main path, then ran in their direction. She could tell the moment Gabriel spotted her because his expression suddenly shifted to concern. He leaned over, whispered something in the woman’s ear, and she turned around to face Katrina too.

“Good morning,” Katrina said, trying to sound cheerful in a way that didn’t also sound forced. 

“Good morning,” Gabriel said, his voice low and as uncertain as she’d ever heard him. “I didn’t know you were a runner.”

She shrugged. “It looked like a good day for it.” She turned her attention to the woman, and smiled, holding out her hand. “Katrina Cornwell, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Balayna Ferasini,” the woman said, before taking her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

They exchanged pleasantries for a few more minutes, Gabriel still looking rather uncomfortable, before Katrina excused herself. “I need to get back and jump in the shower. But Gabriel, if you’re free, I can meet you afterward at your quarters?”

He smiled, finally. “Sounds good. See you then.”

She took about an hour longer than she needed to before heading over, mentally and emotionally preparing herself. She was confident in her decision, knew it was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make it easy. But she knew Gabriel would always be one of the more important people in her life. If friendship was all he could offer her now, it would have to be enough.

She planned to apologize for her reaction, but Gabriel spoke first when she arrived at his quarters.

“Are we okay?”

She wrapped her arms around him. “Yes, we’re okay.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and they stood there for several minutes before finally she had to take a step back, or else become too comfortable to ever leave.

There was a slightly awkward pause before Gabriel spoke again. “How about a reading session, for old time’s sake?”

She nodded and headed inside, while Gabriel went to get their reading material. She sat down at one end of the couch, and when he came back, he sat on the other. There was space between them, but not too much. Still a lot less than there usually was.

“So,” he said after a moment, “I have special selection today.” 

“Should I be worried?”

He laughed. “Always.”

She rolled her eyes and gestured for him to continue. He picked up his PADD and began to read. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”

“...What the hell is that?”

More laughter. “ _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_ ,” he announced.

She snorted. “That can’t be a real book.”

“I assure you that it is. Shall I go on?”

Katrina stood up and walked over to the sideboard, where she poured two drinks. She walked back, passed one to Gabriel, then sat back down with hers. “Go on.”

The more he read, the more ridiculous the whole thing became but she couldn’t help but laugh at all. But when she went back to refill her glass, he suddenly stopped. She turned and found him staring at her, his eyes intense.

“I love you, Kat.”

She looked at him in surprise. He’d never said that before; neither of them had. How ironic that he made the confession as soon as they weren’t sleeping together anymore.

And yet, that made her believe it even more.

“I love you too, Gabriel.”

Yes. This would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Books quoted in this chapter:
> 
> \- _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ by Oscar Wilde  
> \- _Anne of Green Gables_ by Lucy Maud Montgomery  
> \- _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_ by Seth Grahame-Smith (and also Jane Austen)


	2. Chapter 2

**London - 2247**

This was a bad idea but, as it was the only option left, Katrina had agreed to it. But she couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach as she entered the pub and headed for the bar. Gabriel was there, disheveled and in civilian clothes. And, from the looks of it, deep into his drinks even though it was still early. She took the seat beside him, not sure what to say.

“I wondered how long it would take for Starfleet to find me,” Gabriel muttered. “Didn’t think sending you would be appropriate though.” And already they were off to a great start.

Like the rest of the universe, she had been horrified to learn of the Tarsus IV Massacre, even more so given that she had been to the colony a month earlier. She had worried about the toll it would take on Gabriel, especially when she realized that Balayna was one of the victims. She’d managed to talk to him once in the aftermath, but it had been brief, as he was transferred from the outpost and her team arrived there to help the survivors in the aftermath. It had been her team’s longest running assignment - in fact, two of their members were still stationed there.

And she was here, on an assignment of her own. “It’s not appropriate at all. But, seeing as you refused to talk to anyone else, they decided to make an exception.”

“Lucky me.”

Hostility wasn’t unexpected from a patient, nor from Gabriel in general for that matter. So as uncomfortable as she was walking this line between psychologist and friend, he wasn’t going to get to her that easily. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

He looked down at his drink. “I thought that was obvious. Drinking. You should try it, Doc.” He waved his hand at the bartender. “A drink for the lady.”

She smiled when the bartender came over. “Two waters and nothing else for my companion. In my professional opinion, he’s had enough.”

“Fuck you, Katrina.”

She stayed focused on the bartender. “Do you disagree?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied. “Two waters, coming up.”

Once the bartender left, she turned back to Gabriel. “I’ve read the reports from your team about what happened on Tarsus IV, as well as your psych evaluations since then.”

There was a long pause, before he said, “And?”

“And I’m worried about you, both as a professional and as your friend. Do you want to talk about it?”

The water arrived before he said anything, and she was beginning to prepare her next argument, when he let out a shuddering sigh, then downed the glass in one long gulp. “Fine. But not here.” He stood up and headed for the door, leaving her to pay the bill, then hurry to catch up.

They walked in silence, and she took in the sights around them, the city a fascinating mix of very old and very new. “Why London?” she asked, hoping it was an innocent question.

He shrugged. “I’d never been here and thought it was as good as place as any.”

They reached the hotel he was staying at a few minutes later and made their way up to his room. It was crisp and clean, likely due more to housekeeping than Gabriel’s efforts. She did notice that all his belongings were in one bag but wasn’t sure if his ability to leave here at any moment was a good or bad sign.

He half sat, half collapsed on the bed, while she settled down in a nearby chair. “What are you doing here, Gabriel?” she asked softly.

“Aren’t you supposed to be telling me that?” he deflected, staring at her. She stared back until he finally looked away. “I don’t know,” he admitted after another moment. “I planned to report for duty when my shore leave finished, but when the day actually came to do it, I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

She saw him clench his fists tight. “I’m no good to Starfleet right now. Maybe I’ll never be again.”

Katrina couldn’t imagine Starfleet without him, but her feelings weren’t relevant right now. “Why do you think that.”

“Because I’m still so goddamn angry, about all of it,” he replied, not quite shouting but getting close. “It was such a waste, just a fucking waste.”

The Tarsus IV report from Commander Georgiou had mentioned that Gabriel seemed to constantly be struggling to keep his rage in control. Most of the time, he’d managed it, focusing on the hunt for Governor Kodos, but not always. Given everything that had happened, neither Georgiou or Katrina could blame him for that.

“I’m sorry about Balayna.”

“Yeah … me too.”

She stood up and walked over to sit beside him on the bed. “Do you want to leave Starfleet?”

He shook his head slightly, before slumping to rest his head in his hands. “I don’t know. I was thinking about it already, before everything went to hell. That was for very different reasons though, obviously.”

“And now?” she asked, putting her hand on his shoulder gently. She felt a shudder run through his body.

“Now, I worry that this anger could define me. If you’ve read the reports, you know that I lost my head during an interrogation. I crossed a line, and I wanted to do it so many other times. I didn’t just want justice, I wanted _revenge_. That’s not the person I want to be, and it’s not the person who should be responsible for the lives of others.”

His words hung heavy between them and Katrina decided it was best to have a moment of silent comfort, gently rubbing his back. It had been hard for him to say any of this, even to her. But she was relieved that he was aware enough of all of this to verbalize it.

They sat there, wordless, for a long time. He broke the silence, straightening up and turning to look at her. “So, what do you think, Doc?” It was the first time he’d ever called her that without a hint of mockery.

She stared into his eyes, doing everything she could to sound calm and collected. “I think that if leaving Starfleet is what you really want to do, then I will support you however I can. But from what you’ve told me, if you want to stay, I see no reason why you shouldn’t.” His look let her know that he wasn’t convinced. “Yes, you’ve experienced some intense trauma, and you will need to work through that, with someone who isn’t me. But you don’t need to be held back by fear or hate.”

The look in his eyes changed to something she couldn’t quite place, then suddenly he laughed, a short sound of disbelief.

“What is it?” she asked.

He shook his head, then reached into his pocket. “I used to give her fortune cookies. She kept all the fortunes in a bowl. The last time I was there, I picked this one up.” He took her hand, turned it over, and placed a piece of paper in it. She raised it so that she could read what was written there.

_Hate is never conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by love._

-

**Starbase 1 - 2251**

The first thing Katrina did went she reached her quarters was grab her bottle of Scotch and pour herself two fingers’ worth - no, three. This was the real stuff too, none of that replicated crap. It was one of the perks of being stationed so close to Earth.

Once she had the glass in hand, she quickly took off her uniform, letting it fall on the ground. And then, finally beginning to feel comfortable, she sat down and sent a private, subspace message to the USS _Buran_.

A few minutes later, Gabriel’s face appeared on the screen. “Hold on just a moment, Kat,” he said, disappearing from view. When he reappeared a few moments later, he had a glass of his own in hand. “Cheers,” he said with a smirk, raising the glass toward her.

She shook her head but had to smile as she returned the gesture, then took a long drink. “It’s been a long, thoroughly unproductive day.”

“That’s what you get for accepting a desk job.”

She glared at the screen. “If you think that’s helpful, let me disabuse you of the notion.”

“Come on, Kat,” he replied with a chuckle, “if you wanted someone to pat you on the head and tell you that everything would be better tomorrow, you would have called someone else.”

He had a point, and she smiled ruefully, before taking another drink. “Fine, how about something you are good at: distract me.”

“Well, let me think.” He paused for a moment, nodding slowly before smiling. “I do have some news. Captain Tanaka is stepping down in three months, and Starfleet just approved his recommendation that I replace him in command of the _Buran_.”

Immediately she was smiling too. “Congratulations, Gabriel, that’s wonderful.”

“Thank you. It’s about time I started catching up with you again.”

Katrina laughed. “I’ll to double my efforts to make vice admiral soon, to maintain some breathing room.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know that you need to worry too much. Being in command of a ship, that’s something I don’t think I would ever want to give up. Besides, I’d drive you crazy, my desk next to yours.”

“I’d definitely pull rank to avoid that happening,” she assured him, though she was observing him now, trying to determine how much of this was serious. It was sometimes hard to tell, especially during the last few years.

He picked up on her scrutiny right away. “Don’t start analyzing me now, Katrina, I’m fine. Besides, I always thought Captain Lorca had a good ring to it.”

“That it does,” she agreed, pushing away her concerns, at least for now. She looked over at her glass and was surprised to see it empty. She considered getting a refill, but it didn’t seem necessary anymore. “Let me know when the promotion ceremony is and I’ll do what I can to attend.”

“Sure thing. So, was that distracting enough for you? Because I can always start reading the smutty parts of _Lady Chatterley’s Lover_ if it’s not.”

Katrina laughed. “Let’s save that for the next time we see each other in person.”

“I look forward to it.”

-

**USS Buran - 2256**

Gabriel was reading a new book this time - some classic mystery called Searider Falcon - but she couldn’t focus on what he was saying.

“Stop,” she said, sitting up in the bed, holding the sheets close to her chest.

He looked at her for a moment, then put the PADD down. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re going to have to stop doing … this. At least while you’re directly under my command.”

He sighed. “I know. Though, sometimes I think that everyone already knows.”

She’d had the same thought herself, though it was never something she’d been comfortable with. They’d certainly tried to be discrete but, after so many years, it was bound to occur to someone. But even if all of Starfleet knew about them, it wouldn’t be appropriate to continue.

She shook her head slowly. “I never imagined that we’d actually see a war in our lifetime.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. “It was going to happen one day. The Klingons have been preparing for it since first contact.”

“That’s true.”

“Of course it is, I said it.”

She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. The more she thought about this conflict, the more her head spun with questions and predictions and fears. The latter was the hardest to face, especially since she knew that she would be sending good Starfleet officers to their deaths.

Gabriel could be one of them.

“The raft was not as seaworthy as I'd hoped.” He’d picked up the PADD again, continuing with the story. “The waves repeatedly threatened to swamp it. I wasn't afraid to die. I was afraid of the emptiness that I felt inside.”

She grabbed the PADD and put it back on the table, moving to straddle him in the process. Right now, she didn’t need words. She just needed to have one more moment to hold on to, one more memory. 

Just in case.

-

**USS Discovery - 2257**

Katrina was only in _Discovery_ ’s captains quarters long enough to grab the bottle of Scotch. She didn’t want to be there any longer than necessary, didn’t want to relive memories that had been bad to begin with and had only gotten worse with recent revelations.

She didn’t waste any time getting started, knocking back her first drink in a way that Gabriel would have found scandalous. At least, her Gabriel would have. Who knows what the imposter would make of any of it.

She should never have let them put Gabriel under her command. Maybe, if it had been someone else, they could have stopped things sooner. Maybe they wouldn’t have been so lenient, so willing to give second chances, third chances. It was humbling and horrifying to see how compromised she was where he was concerned. And while none of it excused what the imposter had done - not _any_ of it - it was hard to get past the fact that she had given him an opening.

She’d been so sure he would come when the Klingons captured her. It broke her heart that he didn’t. Now that she knew why though, the pieces had begun to burn. And that didn’t even begin to touch the fact that she’d thought he was dead for nine months, then for a moment dared hope to get him back, only to have that snatched away from her as well.

She downed her second glass.

The world was getting fuzzy around her, but it wasn’t as much relief as she’d been hoping for. Maybe that was a good thing, seeing as this wasn’t the best of coping mechanisms, just the easiest. But her best, or at least her favourite, was gone now. 

An idea came to her then, and she put down the glass and instead reached for her personal PADD. She had hundreds of books stored on it, including every title that Gabriel had ever read to her. She could remember the sound of his voice as he did so vividly - enough that she might be able to imagine it now. It was a poor replacement for the real thing, but even a poor substitute was better than nothing. She opened up the first title she thought of and began to read.

_The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses…_

She was halfway through chapter two when Michael Burnham arrived at her door.

“I suppose I don’t have to tell you it’s the middle of the night.”

“I have a proposal.”

-

**Chicago - 2258**

_When they entered, they found hanging upon the wall a splendid portrait of their master as they had last seen him, in all the wonder of his exquisite youth and beauty. Lying on the floor was a dead man, in evening dress, with a knife in his heart. He was withered, wrinkled, and loathsome of visage. It was not till they had examined the rings that they recognized who it was._

It had taken her several months to find time to finish reading, between the chaos of the war’s end and the massive amount of rebuilding and recovery required in the aftermath. Katrina set the PADD down beside her and let the ending sit with her for a moment. Not the ending of the book so much as the end of the experience of reading it.

There was still so much for her to process, which is why she was taking some well-deserved and long-delayed shore leave. She hadn’t spent this much time in her hometown for years, and it felt good to be planet-bound, if only for a week.

She stood up and walked to the window, enjoying the feel of sun on her skin, when there was a beep indicated an incoming transmission. She frowned and braced herself since she knew that the only reason Starfleet would be contacting her now is there was some emergency. She turned on the screen and was saw the transmission was from Admiral Shukar.

“I apologize for interrupting your leave, Admiral, but I have received a report that I felt you should be made aware of.”

That was a very ominous and Katrina felt her heart begin to race as she tried not to imagine what this news might be. “Go on.”

“A few hours ago, the USS _Merrimac_ intercepted a damaged shuttle that they at first believed to be a Federation vessel. Upon further investigation, it was determined to in fact be from the Terran Empire.”

She could hardly breathe now, as one of the Federation’s worst fears appeared to have been realized much faster than they’d hoped. 

“There was one occupant on board the ship. He has been identified as Captain Gabriel Lorca.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Books quoted in this chapter:  
> \- _Searider Falcon_ ... is not a real book. But I am a BSG fan and I could not resist  
> \- _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ by Oscar Wilde, again


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this chapter to be delayed for so long but, to be honest, I was sort of avoiding going back to it because it has difficult stuff in it. I tried my best to explore the trauma both Gabriel and Katrina have endured. If there is something you think I got wrong, I am sorry and please let me know so I can make any required changes.
> 
> Also, thanks to Yubsie for help coming up with an appropriately Trek-y explanation for things that I realized I couldn't just handwave my way past.

**Three days back**

Katrina stood outside the brig on Starbase 6, watching the man pacing inside the holding cell. He certainly looked like Gabriel Lorca, albeit a pale, bearded, and malnourished version of him. But appearance was meaningless. All she could tell from watching was that he was restless and always watching the door, waiting for someone, anyone. 

As it turns out, waiting for her. Contact between this Gabriel and the crew of the USS _Merrimac_ had been minimal, due to the decision to limit the number of people aware of the alternate universe. His medical and physical needs had been seen to, but that was about it. The rest was, for better or worse, on her plate.

Watching him was only putting her more edge, something she hadn’t thought was possible until this moment. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she couldn’t trust a thing he said until she was certain, then opened the door. 

He froze when the door opened, staring her direction, finally standing still, though she could see the fingers of his right hand fidgeting. When he finally made out who it was, she saw his eyes widen. “Kat … finally, a friendly face. Please let me out of here. I’ve had enough of captivity to last ten lifetimes.”

Another deep breath was required to maintain her composure. “I need you to answer some questions,” she told him, “to make sure you are who you claim to be.”

He stared at her, stricken, his mouth opening, then closing. “I don’t …” he started, then shook his head. “Fine, ask away.”

“I know that you were held prisoner in an alternate dimension for some time. How did you escape?”

He frowned, his brow furrowed. “The prison ship I was on was very orderly until the day that the Emperor was killed in some battle. I’m not sure entirely what happened, but after that, things got chaotic and …” 

His voice trailed off, and she could tell his mind had wandered with it. She’d call it a classic symptom of imprisonment and trauma if she didn’t know about all those faked psych evals. “How did you escape from the ship?” she asked, nudging him back on track.

“Right … I was able to surprise the guard and get away from him. I found the shuttle and flew as fast as I could.” He paused for a moment, lost in thought again. This time, he snapped himself out of it. “I managed to intercept some messages about a ship disappearing without a trace after the battle and found out that nearby, an unstable wormhole had opened up. So I took a chance and set my course to fly right into it.”

“That sounds risky.”

“Any and all risks were acceptable if it meant getting the hell out of there.”

That explanation was about as plausible as anything could be when it came to this situation. That ticked off one item on her mental checklist. There were many more before she could dare begin to hope. “What do you recall about how you ended up in the other universe?”

“Look, Ka- _Admiral_ , is this really necessary?” he demanded, not quite shouting but getting close to it. “I thought you at least would be happy see me.”

“We need to make sure you’re-”

“Who else would I be?” Now he was shouting, his voice echoing through the brig.

Katrina froze now, observing him. Could it be possible that he didn’t know that the universe he’d been trapped in was populated by their doppelgangers? From what she’d been told, it sounded as though he had been kept relatively isolated on the prison ship. It was at least within the realm of possibility that he’d never seen anyone he recognized.

This changed things, though only a little. She hadn’t wanted to talk about the other Gabriel much anyway. The less said about him, the better.

“Come on, Katrina …”

She shook her head. “I need you to answer the question, Gabriel.”

He made a low, frustrated noise, clenching his fingers, but finally nodded. “I was coming back to the _Buran_ from … something, I don’t even remember anymore. Everything was fine, or it seemed fine, and then when I teleported onto the ship, well, it wasn’t. I very quickly found myself thrown in the brig and then …” He trailed off again, staring at nothing in the distance.

His answers, if truthful, contained a lot of valuable information. But they still didn’t confirm his identity. The imposter could have made it all up, easily. Of course, that would involve him being a lot less dead than Burnham had reported, but Katrina couldn’t completely rule it out. She needed one last question.

“What was the first book you read to me?”

She hadn’t been sure what she’d ask about, to prove things once and for all, but it made sense that it would be the book. After all, she’d had it, and him, on her mind constantly these last months. And she felt sure that it was something that the imposter couldn’t possibly have found out, no matter how well he had done his research.

For a moment, he looked at her blankly, and her stomach began to turn over. Then, something sharpened in his eyes, and he said, “ _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ , on the night before your final exam.”

The breath she’d been holding came out ragged. It was him. It was _him_. She closed her eyes for a moment, pushing back the emotions that she couldn’t express right there, right then.

“Kat …” 

She opened her eyes. He was watching her, open desperation in his eyes.

“I need to get out of here.”

She nodded. “I’ll make sure it happens immediately.” She turned and headed for the door but, just before leaving, she stopped and turned. He was still watching her, and she stared back for several moments. Now that she’d determined he was who he claimed to be, her thoughts were turning to what he’d experienced, its effects on him, and just how much he didn’t know.

Finally, she turned and walked out the door. After giving the orders to have him transferred to proper quarters - albeit still confined to them - she headed immediately for her own quarters. She took off her jacket and sat down on the couch.

Time passed, but she was hardly aware of it. All she felt was emotion after emotion. Hope and despair and longing and regret and so many other feelings even she was unable to catalogue it all. Not that she tried. Right now wasn’t the time for analyzing her emotions - instead, she felt them.

For the first time in months, maybe years, she let herself sit and cry.

-

**Four days back**

Katrina thought this might be the first time Gabriel had ever been aboard her cruiser. Before, she’d always been the one coming to him.

Once they were well on their way toward Earth, she left the bridge and headed for Gabriel’s temporary quarters. Once again he was confined there, and she knew he wasn’t happy about it. She wasn’t happy either, but she didn’t see any other options. 

And it was far from the worse thing she had to do.

She opened the door, knowing she couldn’t put this off any longer. No matter how much she worried that the truth about the _Buran_ would break him in ways even Tarsus IV couldn’t, he had to know what happened. 

He was clearly startled when she opened the door, standing by the window, his body tense. He relaxed when he saw it was her, but not entirely. And, as much as she hated to admit it, she was equally on edge. Compared to the other tragedies of the war, this tension and loss of trust between them was a small thing. But it pained her nonetheless.

“We should reach Earth in just under two days,” she told him. She made herself walk into the room, heading over to the replicator. “Two waters.” She picked the pair of tumblers up and went to sit down on the closest chair. After a moment, Gabriel came to join her, taking the water when she offered. 

“Been a long time since I was on Earth,” he murmured. 

The details were still being worked out about what exactly they were going to do with Gabriel once they arrived. Obviously, he needed treatment, but his existence was still classified, so calling the situation complicated was an understatement.

“Gabriel, I need to-”

“What happened to my ship?”

She froze, then looked at him. Gabriel was staring back at her, his expression grim.

“I know that I’m not …” his voice trailed off, then he shook his head. “I’ve asked about the _Buran_ countless times since I got back, and no one has given me a straight answer. I know what means.”

She nodded, taking a slow, deep breath. “The USS _Buran_ was destroyed by the Klingons in the first month of the war. There were no survivors.”

He sat in silence for a long time, his face blank. The stillness worried Katrina more than screams or tears. She had seen Gabriel upset before but never like this.

“How did it happen?”

She’d read and re-read the report about the _Buran_ enough times by now that she could practically recite it. Of course, its source was highly suspect, but the evidence did support most of that man’s claims. “The _Buran_ was bringing supplies to an outpost when it was ambushed by several Klingon ships. The crew managed to destroy one of the ships, but they were boarded during the battle.” She paused, debating what to say next. Ultimately, the truth seemed better, albeit not the whole truth. “From scans, it appears that the self-destruct sequence was activated.”

“And no one escaped? Not even a single escape pod?”

“No. I don’t think anyone had time.” The deceit felt uncomfortable; the last thing any of them needed right now was more lies. But she didn’t think the time was right to lay the truth about the other Lorca and the mirror universe in Gabriel’s lap.

“I should have been there with them,” he said, staring at the floor. “They deserved more than an MIA captain.”

What could she possibly say in response to that. Nothing … and so she did just that. The silence returned and underneath it, she could almost feel tension building. Gabriel’s hand was wrapped tightly around the tumbler he’d never taken a single drink from, his knuckles white.

“Can I read the report?” he asked finally.

“Of course.” 

He lifted the tumbler to his lips, draining it in a matter of seconds. “I’d like to be alone.” 

She stood up slowly, worried about his decision but knowing she needed to respect it. “If you need anything, please contact me.”

He nodded, though he was also doggedly looking anywhere but at her. “Yeah … I’ll do that.”

She left the guest quarters but paused on the other side of the door, replaying what she’d said and what she hadn’t. Just before she left, there was a loud noise on the other side of the door: the sound of a glass tumbler shattering at it was thrown against a wall.

-

**Five days back**

“What are you hiding from me, Katrina?”

The accusation came as soon as she set foot inside the guest quarters. She knew exactly what he was - accurately - accusing her of, but took a moment to survey the room before answering. Gabriel had gone back to restless pacing, a PADD in his hand. The broken glass had been cleaned up, and she noticed one side table was no longer there. “Only a name,” she finally answered. “Just one name.”

“The name of the person who blew up my ship, the name of - damn it!” He smashed a fist down on the couch. “You lied to me, you said there were no survivors.”

“I did.”

“...Why?”

Katrina took a few steady, even breath as she gathered her thoughts. Telling Gabriel about the _Buran_ had been difficult, but it was a situation that sadly wasn’t unusual for her. There were protocols about it, steps to follow to help those left behind understand and navigate their grief. But when it came to explaining that there was a parallel universe populated by their doppelgangers, well, that went a little beyond the Starfleet handbook. The truth still boggled her mind at times, even after everything - _everyone\_ \- she’d seen.

“There’s something I need to tell you, about the universe you were imprisoned in,” she said finally. 

He frowned. “What does that …”

“It’s more than just another universe, it’s an exact double of ours. The same stars, the same worlds. And the same people.”

She could see thoughts playing out across Gabriel’s face as he tried to understand. “I don’t … how is that possible?”

All she could do was shake her head. “I don’t fully understand the science behind it. But I know that it’s true because I’ve met people from that universe and spoken to others from ours who crossed over.” She paused for another breath, though this one wasn’t as steady as the others. “In the transporter accident, when you were sent to the other universe, the Gabriel Lorca from that universe ended up here.”

He turned away, standing to face the window now. Katrina took a few steps closer, enough that she could see his reflection in the glass. And she saw the moment when realization hit him, the truth staring back at both of them with eyes that were suddenly sharp and clear.

“He destroyed the _Buran_.”

“Yes,” she confirmed with a single nod. 

He closed his eyes, and she could see that his hands were trembling slightly. She moved to stand right beside him, looking out at all the wonders, the great and the terrible, of the universe around them.

“They must have all thought he was me,” Gabriel whispered. “But I would never. Not ever.” He glanced over at her then. “Did you meet him?”

“I did.” As she spoke the words, she felt her stomach clench. “He managed to fool us all.”

He reached out for her then, no doubt hoping for comfort of some sort, though she wasn’t sure if he wanted to give or receive. He reached out, his hand seeking her arm … and she flinched. He recoiled, staring at her with wide eyes.

“Kat, what-”

She backed away from him and his questions. “I should be getting back to the bridge,” she told him, the excuse sounding as hollow as it felt. Before he could say another word, she was striding for the door. Once more, she paused on the other side when the door closed, doubling over as a wave of nausea passed over her. 

She knew this was all a normal reaction to trauma, something she’d had more than her share of recently. But knowing that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Especially when she knew the only way for things to get better right now was to get her oldest friend the hell off her ship.

-

**Four months back**

She could have made it back to Earth sooner. Hell, she was still due a few more days of shore leave. Instead, she had thrown herself into her duties - there was no shortage of those these days. But there was a limit to how long she could let herself indulge in such behaviour.

She had received reports of how Gabriel was doing in treatment. The Starfleet Rehabilitation Center was headed by a former colleague from the trauma support team, and Katrina knew he would get the best of care. She was getting some of that herself, though in her more self-aware moments she realized it wasn’t enough.

Her self-awareness was particularly high at the moment, as she was shown to one of the private meeting rooms at the center. It was a lovely day in San Francisco, and the sun shone in through the windows. Natural sunlight was one of the things she missed most when she was in space, and she took a moment to close her eyes and enjoy the feeling of it on her skin.

“Careful you don’t burn.”

She opened her eyes and turned to face Gabriel. He was still underweight, but he looked much better than when she’d last seen him, saying their goodbyes in the transporter room. He was, and his hair had been trimmed, though not as short as she was used to it being. It made him look younger, though there was plenty of silver streaks amidst the brown.

“Don’t worry,” she told him, “unlike some people, I’m always good about remembering proper skincare.”

His chuckle made her smile, while at the same time her heart ached as she realized how long it had been since she’d heard him laugh.

“Shall we sit?” he asked, gesturing to a pair of nearby chairs, a small end table between them. She nodded and sat down, feeling her trepidation begin to smooth away.

“You look well.”

Another chuckle, though this one had an edge to it. “Well, today’s been a good day, so far at least.” His gaze traversed the room, not quite focusing on anything. “It’s not every day that I get a visitor. Actually, today would be the first.”

She knew that, of course. The fact that Gabriel was here, - the fact that he was even alive - was classified. With time, this would have to change, but it wouldn’t be until at least the point when he finished the intensive treatment program. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

He glanced at her for a moment, then shrugged. “You wouldn’t have been doing an excellent job of avoiding me if you’d come sooner.”

Her mouth opened slightly, but her planned denial didn’t get further than that. There wasn’t any point; he knew her too well. “It’s not you that I’m avoiding, not really.”

“I had a feeling that might be the case. Do you want to talk about it?” That line was familiar, but Gabriel wasn’t usually the one saying it. Her thoughts must have been obvious because he smiled again. “I know. Apparently, I’ve been paying attention in my sessions.”

She smiled back. “I’m impressed. As to your question, well … yes, but also no. At least, not if it’s something that would cause you harm, and it might.”

He thought about that for a moment, leaning back into his chair. “Let me, and my therapist, worry about that. I want to know what he did, if you want to tell me.”

“Okay,” Katrina said, nodding, “but tell me if that changes.”

“Same to you.” 

“By the time I met him in person,” she began, speaking slowly and deliberately, carefully contemplating each word, “he had already been assigned to the _Discovery_. I had my reservations, but I was told he’d passed all the psych evals. Plus, with the war, Starfleet was desperate. But there was always something a little off about him, so I tried to keep an eye on things. As it turns out, that wasn’t enough, but I’m finally accepting that I did the best I could. Maybe.”

She looked over at him, but he was staring down at his hands. She remembered what they felt like around her neck, the look on his face as he stared down at her. She closed her eyes, took several deep breaths, and continued.

“I never stopped feeling that something wasn’t right. And so finally, I went to _Discovery_ to figure it out. I confronted him about some of the rash actions he’d been taking, the orders he’d ignored. And then he managed to charm me into standing down.” This time when she looked, Gabriel was staring back at her. “That is one thing you both have in common, the ability to charm and exasperate at the same time. And because I wanted to believe him, I did, ignoring the final warning bells.”

Katrina paused and had to look away, taking several more deep breaths. She willed her heart rate to slow, or at least increasing, but she could practically feel the cortisol building in her blood.

“I could break things down more, try to explain motivations, but the end result would be the same. I slept with him, falsely believing that he was you. Then, afterward, I startled him, and he pulled a phaser on me. I knew then that I couldn’t leave him in charge of anything, but there was a chance for peace with the Klingons, and I had to take it first. It was a trap, of course, and he let me walk into it and hoped he’d never see me again.”

She wished that finally telling him would make her feel better, but it didn’t. At the same time, she was relieved to know that she could get through it all without too much trouble. Time and treatment were no doubt part of it, but she felt that the biggest part of all was that this was Gabriel. _Her_ Gabriel. And even if things were so very changed between them, he was still the one person she could always tell anything to.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel said, breaking the silence. “I know that doesn’t help much,” he added with a grimace, as though the words left a bad taste in his mouth.

“It means more than you give it credit for.”

They lapsed into silence for a long time, but this silence was comfortable, as they just spent time together. “I heard someone the other day talking about the Perseids,” Gabriel said after a long time. “I guess it’s that time of year. Do you remember that night we watched them together? We were so young.”

Her mouth felt dry, and her brain slow, somehow not able to turn thought into words.

“You do remember, don’t you? Or did you drink more Scotch than I realized.”

“Single malt, straight from the motherland,” she finally murmured.

He smiled. “I’ll never forget it either.”

-

**Six months back**

Katrina watched as Gabriel walked around the room for about the fifth time since she’d arrived. They were in his room this time, as had been the case for her last couple of visits. Things between them were still strained at times but much better than they had been.

Though his pacing was beginning to drive her a little crazy. However, just before she could comment on it, he broke the silence. “Can I ask you about him?”

She stilled. In all the months since she’d told Gabriel about what happened, they’d never actually talked about it. Still, she didn’t need to ask who _him_ was. “Okay,” she said, her voice betraying her with its tentativeness.

“Are we really … “ He paused, frowning. “You said that he was like me, charming and exasperating at the same time. I didn’t like it then, but now that I know a bit more about what he did here, I like it even less. Are we really that similar?”

“It’s more complicated than a yes or a no,” she replied. “Certainly, there were things you had in common, but it comes down to the old nature vs. nurture argument. By nature, you were the same, but the environment he grew up in was nothing like ours. One of _Discovery_ ’s crew, Ensign Tilly, described it in her debrief as if her doppelganger was a twisted version of herself, everything taken to extremes that she would never even contemplate. Does that make sense.”

Gabriel nodded, but it was a half-hearted gesture, so Katrina took a moment to try and find a better explanation. “Do you remember our conversation after Tarsus IV, when we got back to your hotel room in London?”

“Only a little,” he admitted. “I was pretty drunk and, even before that, I wasn’t in a great state of mind.”

That wasn’t surprising. “You told me you were worried about how your anger made you cross a line. You felt like doing so would have turned you into another person, someone you didn’t want to be. Do you remember that?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the other Lorca was that person who crossed every line and didn’t look back. He’s the person you didn’t want to become.”

He nodded again, this time with confidence. “My worst nightmare made flesh. Wonderful.”

“I can’t say that I was sad to hear of his demise, at least not once I knew who he really was.”

Gabriel began to walk along the windows, looking out at San Francisco Bay. Back and forth he went, over and over again.

“You’re pacing. Again.”

“Yeah … I know.”

Another memory came back to her now, and she got up and pulled her PADD out of her bag. She opened up the novel that she still hadn’t removed. “Why don’t you come sit down,” she said, patting the couch beside her.

He did so, albeit hesitantly, maintaining several inches of distance between them. As he fidgeted, she began to read. “Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun...”

By the time the first chapter was done, not only had Gabriel finally relaxed, at least a little bit, but his hand was firmly intertwined with hers.

-

**One year back**

Gabriel’s new apartment was modest, but Kat could tell he was proud of it. As he should be, given the accomplishment it represented. He had completed the intensive program and now was now living on his own. And tomorrow, he would begin a new position, teaching part-time at Starfleet Academy.

Yes, he had a lot to be proud of - and she was proud of him too.

She wandered through the apartment, glancing through his few belongs and picked up a PADD. She was surprised to see the title that Gabriel was reading: _The Four Thousand: Crisis on Tarsus IV_ by Shannon Moulton.

“I felt ready to face some of my other demons,” Gabriel said, coming to stand behind her. “It helps that the author was there, so it doesn’t feel like exploitation. Plus, she was very thorough in her interviews. I’m a bit surprised that she never requested to speak with me.”

“She did, actually.” Katrina put down the PADD. “I blocked the request. After everything that happened back then, I didn’t think it was wise to stir it all back up again.”

He frowned, then after a moment nodded. “That was likely for the best. But if she ever writes a sequel, I’d be happy to share my insights, whatever they are.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

They settled down on a nearby couch, sitting right beside each other. “Are you worried about tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation - something she didn’t think he would have done a year ago, or even before then. “But I need to try. It’s time to become a productive member of society again.”

She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. “Do you think you’ll ever want to come back to command?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I could clear that psych eval, though I suppose you already know that.”

“No,” she murmured. “I stopped reading any of the reports months ago.”

He shifted so he could look into her eyes. “Why?”

“I had to take a step back from all that. I think… no, I know that there have been too many blurred lines.” She paused, then shook her head slightly. “I wish I’d realized it before, but better later than never. I know now that to be here to support you, as a friend, I can’t be the direct chain of command above you as well.”

He nodded, then shifted to wrap his arm around her. “And … how about as more than a friend?”

Katrina leaned up to press her lips against his for a moment. “That too.”

Gabriel pulled her close and then began to read. “You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Books quoted in this chapter:
> 
> \- _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ by Douglas Adams  
> \- _Frankenstein_ by Mary Shelley


End file.
